April 2012
yourcreepyuncle:
back in my day we had four directions
damn kids
Whenever I’m describing how terrible something is, I always make sure to say it’s the second worst thing ever.
Because, let’s be honest, the Holocaust was pretty bad.
I finished my dinner today, so uh… you’re welcome third-world children.
Watchstarsoccurnaturally:
tinydeers:
cestenial:
yusufsfirmbutt:
give-me-hope-in-silence:
what the actual fuck
ok
what just happened
What did I just watch.
i love australia
I want to meet this man.
March 2012
1 tag
I’m actually crippled right now, guys. I have to go meet a surgeon on Monday morning to see how bad my finger really is.
I’m having to type everything with one hand, and this is really annoying.
They say an apple a day keeps the doctor away. Does that mean doctors won’t want to treat me if I eat too many apples?
2 tags
No, Mr. Teacher guy. You don’t understand.
How am I supposed to study when the internet is a thing?
1 tag
I wish people fed me as much as they fed my hamster.
5 tags
Hamlet’s too long.
I can’t do this.
I’m sorry Mr. Teacher guy.
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So while everyone is debating over why Hamlet went crazy, Queen Gertrude just sorta throws it out there that maybe it’s because his dad died, and then his uncle got married to his mom within the month.
1 tag
Thanks, Rosencrantz and gentle Guildenstern.
Poor Rosencrantz. He’s not gentle.
He’s obviously rough.
Rough in the feelings.
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The King is kinda curious, because Hamlet’s basically turned into this batshit crazy guy who runs around and does stupid things.
So he decides that he should get Hamlet’s childhood friends to come see what they can do.
Their names are Rosencrantz and Guildenstern.
Honestly, who sees an adorable little baby with huge eyes, and decides to name it Rosencrantz.
5 tags
So then Hamlet comes running into Ophelia’s room half naked, and yelling about ghosts.
I don’t think Polonius/Laertes really needed to say anything to prevent Hamlet from getting laid.
cwsl asked: OH GOD FOR THE LOVE OF ALL IS GOOD, PLEASE SHUT UP. ):
2 tags
So the captain of Laertes’ ship is called Reynaldo.
But every time I read it, I keep on thinking of Ryan Reynolds.
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So Hamlet keeps on talking to Horatio and Marcellus, to make sure they never tell anyone about what they saw.
And then from beneath, the ghost keeps yelling at them to swear on it.
This ghost sounds kind of annoying.
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So the ghost basically describes how he’s actually Hamlet’s dad (also called Hamlet), and was killed by Claudius.
Claudius killed him by pouring poison into his ear.
…what.
Does that even work???
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So while everyone is conspiring to keep Hamlet a virgin forever, he’s all out there in the middle of the night waiting for the ghost.
And then BAM. IT APPEARS.
Hamlet freaks his shit, but the the ghost beckons, and suddenly everything is cool again.
He follows it.
4 tags
In honour of Hamlet’s constant state of being cockblocked, I feel like I should post this image in tribute.
eisencorgi asked: and now i'm stuck here feeding your hamster again GOD DAMN IT this happens every time
5 tags
Laertes leaves, and Polonius asks Ophelia what he told her.
She explains that it was about Hamlet, and the Polonius basically builds a brick wall in front of Hamlet’s junk.
He’s not getting any of that.
Not after cockblocking of that magnitude.
ohhhvienna asked: I am enjoying your Hamlet liveblogging.
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So then Polonius walks in and basically gives Laertes a farewell speech.
And then…
But do not dull thy palm with entertainment
A masturbation joke, perhaps?
7 tags
So basically, right before leaving, Laertes talk to his sister, Ophelia. Ophelia and Hamlet are totally thinking about getting funky.
But then Laertes is all like “No. Don’t do that.”
Woah, Laertes. Not cool. You don’t just cockblock a guy like that.
4 tags
Oh shit Hamlet’s going to go find the ghost.
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So Horatio basically says that he’s skipping school for a while to come visit.
Hamlet calls bullshit because he’s too good of a student, but then tells him they’re going to get crazy drunk.
1 tag
How weary, stale, flat and unprofitable, Seem to me all the uses of this world! Fie on’t! ah fie! ‘tis an unweeded garden, That grows to seed; things rank and gross in nature Possess it merely.
There’s no way he came up with that on the spot. Hamlet probably spends hours thinking of descriptive metaphors before going to sleep each night.
7 tags
I don’t think “nephew” was a word back then.
If Hamlet really is Claudius’ cousin, that could make things really weird.
1 tag
So far, King Claudius seems like a dick.
“Yeah, everyone dies. Including your dad. Get over it, it’s immasculating.”
5 tags
Good Hamlet, cast thy nighted colour off, and let thine eye look like a friend on Denmark.
I’m pretty sure if that was in a play nowadays, people would get all angry about it and sue them for racism.
5 tags
So then this kid Laertes asks to go to France. Also, Polonius is his dad. And then they go on, and—oh shit there’s Hamlet!
3 tags
Cornelius and Voltimand get sent off to Norway to talk to the king over there.
I have a feeling this will be one of those things that turns out to be really important later on.
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Blah blah blah explaining how the king died.
And the ghost is back!
“It’s back! Should I stab it?”
Y’know, Marcellus… you’re not that bright.
The ghost leaves.
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THE GHOST IS THE KING, OH MY GOD.
“Horatio, you’re smart. You talk to it.” —Marcellus.
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Wait, there’s a ghost? How would they have even acted this out?
They probably had great imaginations back then.
Horatio calls bullshit on the ghost story. He’s the smart one.
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I need to study for a hamlet test tomorrow.
I’m going to read through the whole play.
That by itself won’t help me remember, though. I need to actually write this down.
And so… I am going to liveblog my reading of Hamlet.
You might want to tumblr saviour/blacklist #hamlet for a while.
commanderinqueef:
orange juice is yellow
just take a moment and think about that
4 tags
tiempoparate:
You just need to realize that you should never talk to me while I am reading a book.
Mostly because I am not reading my book to talk to you.
My book is more interesting than you.
2 tags
I don’t get it when attractive people talk to me. Like, do they think I’m rich, or…
Here, enjoy this wonderful text post.
It’s been nearly two days since I posted anything, somebody help me.
2 tags
Every now and then, my mom will go through this phase where she’s convinced that I have jaundice.
It happens about every two months or so.
