May 2013
5 tags
usb-dongle:
it has been one of my greatest dreams to beat the living shit out of something at least once so god fucking help anybody that ever tries to assault me because i will be brimming with every violent urge that i have ever tucked away in my entire life
MY SISTER TRICKED ME
I JUST FINISHED BRUSHING MY TEETH AND THEN SHE COMES IN WITH A SLICE OF DELICIOUS, DELICIOUS CAKE AND SAYS THAT SHE HAS SOME LEFTOVER AND I HSOULD EAT IT AND BEFORE I EVEN REGISTER WHAT I’M DOING, HALF OF IT IS ALREADY IN MY MOUTH AND NOW I NEED TO BRUSH MY TEETH AGAIN GODDAMN
sealcat:
do you ever just listen to someone’s problem and you have nothing to say except “I’m sorry” because there is literally no way for you to help and you get sucked into a vortex of guilt and despair because you are useless
slenclerman:
yes friends let us blaze the marijuana! four hundred and twenty haha
sansaofhousestark:
arianne—martell:
Every time I think of the black market, I actually imagine a market, with little stalls selling illegal things like nuclear weapons and organs.
WHY ARE PEOPLE SAYING THINGS ABOUT HOW THEY DON’T HAVE ANY FRIENDS WHEN THEY COULD JUST TALK TO ME
1 tag
fucking christ my dad just came back home from shopping and told me hannah was working at the checkout and stuff so he went up to her and announced that he was my dad
oh man that must’ve been fun for her
zackisontumblr:
if you’re feeling down i can feel you up
1 tag
I’M TOO PRIVILEGED TO THROW STEREOTYPES AROUND AND IT REALLY FRUSTRATES ME SOMETIMES
hannibalthecanibal:
and here we have harry potter literally standing on a pile of letters to try and catch one that is still in the air. there are clearly reasons why he doesn’t get sorted into ravenclaw
guccier:
being single is like a vacuum cleaner, its sucks when you’re turned on
dirtyalec:
sometimes I close my eyes and I can’t see
ashketchurn:
i put the sad in quesadilla
1 tag
SOMETIMES I’M READING AND THEN I REALIZE THAT I’M JUST LOOKING AT WORDS AND IT’S TELLING ME A COOL STORY AND THEN I TRIP OUT AND IT TAKES ME A COUPLE MINUTES TO GET BACK INTO MY READING GROOVE
corsorala:
goes to unfollow u
sees ur tagged/me
u safe 4 now
snapchatting:
you are under arrest for being attractive and ruining my life
hungarian:
it’d be cool to speak like 20 different languages & keep it a secret from everyone & then during a time of crisis, u could speak some fluent russian to some russian guy holding a gun to your head & all your friends will be like daaamn
anglosexual:
misandryinhaiku:
“women are weaklings!”
i’m strong enough to carry
your corpse to the woods
this haiku is my favorite haiku
I stopped by the kitchen on the way to bed, and there was a tray of mac and cheese sitting on the stove
Mac and cheese for dinner tomorrow
So excited
brandnewswastikas:
I like it when a girl has a food stain on her shirt because it means that she’s bad with spoons and will probably need me to feed her and I’m good with spoons so it will give me a chance to show off a little.
dooblerdoo:
whenever I create a text post
powerburial:
DON’T
make me nervous
DO
not make me nervous
bandbutts:
If masturbating while stoned isn’t called weed whacking I don’t know how to live my life anymore
I always get so frustrated and lonely when people don’t message me, but I always take forever to reply
many of my life choices don’t make sense
if you cut a worm in half it won’t die but instead you’ll have two worms
stillwatersofconsciousness:
radish is a really accurate name for a vegetable because they’re pretty cool but they’re not that cool
brandisbigbootybitches:
im gonna make a movie that’s titled “WILL SOMETHING SCARY HAPPEN?” and it will feature an hour and a half of someone walking around their house in the dark doing various things that COULD be the prelude to something scary but nothing actually scary will happen until after the credits when spooky scary skeletons will play
1 tag
SOCIALIZING IS SO EXPENSIVE
2 tags
I gave out like 15 resumes today and four of the places were really responsive and I really hope this works out
tupacabra:
shampoo for my real friends
real poo for my sham friends
baboushkat:
the optician asked me how many hours i spend on my laptop yesterday and i really quietly said “10-14” and she said “pardon?” 4 times
mybigfatredwedding:
How Did You Find That Untagged Post From 11 Months Ago a story of confusion, fear, and general unease
ewoqs:
all of you need to post more selfies tbh that’s 60% of why i followed most of you
bikinimybottom:
if jay z ever freaks out and murders his entire family all i know is that the headlines better read ‘jay z goes cray z’
1 tag
I’m going to finish listening to this song, then I’m gonna go sleep because sleep is great
I have decided that I am very busy and very lonely and this displeases me greatly
I WANT TO WRITE THINGS BUT MY MIND IS TOO SOGGY RIGHT NOW AND I CAN BARELY EVEN THINK LET ALONE WRITE
I would be very happy if I could become Angus Stone’s voice
1 tag
I don’t want to be on the internet right now
I want to be sitting around on a couch talking about life or opinions or something like that
But, of course, empty house
